Saturday, May 12, 2007


You'll never see another Basi, Virk, Basi pre-trial summary like this one!


Pacific Gazetteer - Saturday May 12, 2007

Not long ago, somebody, I'm not sure who, although it may have been Mr. T. [Bill Tieleman], suggested on a comment thread somewhere that perhaps Courtroom 54 of The Supreme Court of British Columbia, where The BC Railgate Trial is finally sputtering to life, should instead be known as 'Car 54, Where Are You?'


Because it seems that there are all kinds of people who are, for all intents and purposes, doing their best to send the entire thing hurtling down a deserted, cliff-lined back-road hidden behind the bustling metropolis of Spuzzum, British Columbia.

After all, you have lawyers for absent former cabinet ministers hanging around, not saying, but suggesting, that the public purse is paying them.

Interestingly, one former lawyered-up Minister who used to be a flight instructor of some repute actually left government before the 'Pilot' episode of 'The Dobranos: SPU' was even in the can (or the 'House', as it were) so that he could, allegedly, run a now defunct Airline that might still exist if only the former Minister had had the foresight to hire Leslie Nielsen as a spokesmodel (not to mention the possibility that the jocular personality of Mr. Nielsen may have been able to help the former Airline's owner slip free of a decidedly sticky situation recently).

You also have the investigators that were apparently interested in following the tracks leading towards the former Minister described above but who didn't actually follow those tracks. But not to worry, because this lack of follow-up most certainly/absolutely/couldn't have possibly had anything to do with the fact that this particular investigator was also related to somebody who was high up in the very same political party that the former Minister above belonged to. This is also the same political party that apparently drew up 'contracts' that were designed to win friends, influence uncles, and smear people who had the audacity to suggest that selling off one of the Province's most valuable public assets might, just might, be a bad idea (and/or, at the very least rip them new orifices).

Interestingly, some of the specifics of how those 'contracts' were implemented were apparently detailed in a taped conversation between one of the co-accused currently sitting in the back seat of Car 54 and the former Minister described above. Even more interestingly, one of those taped conversations also contained details of the current Premier's involvement in the alleged stacking of a blue ribbonesqueish commission which, was, apparently, not this one.

And, get this, apparently those contracts were also the subject of investigations by other investigators, most of whom didn't show up in court, but one of whom who did, with notes that nobody had seen before. And apparently those contracts, and who signed them, are deemed important by everybody in the Car, but nobody can actually find them, at least not right now.

And then there are all those other investigators who were investigating all kinds of other stuff, like the laundering of drug money (no word of lawyers and guns so far however, which would be interesting if it were to happen somewhere down the road, if only because it would complete the trifecta once so aptly chronicled by Warren Zevon when he wasn't singing about werewolves which would, of course, also make a fantastic theme song for 'The Dobranos: SPU').

And, speaking of lawyers, one of them has apparently disappeared from the courtroom that is Car 54. And that is the biggest of the Big Cheeses who is, allegedly, working for 'The People' whose assets were forcibly privatized by the former Minister and the current Premier described above, but who also once most definitely did not work for 'The People' when he and one of his current littler cheeses worked instead for Imperial Tobacco (hmmmmmm.....perhaps the Producers of this series should consider changing that Dobranos:SPU theme song to 'Lawyers, Smokes and Money' instead).

At this point it is probably worth mentioning, if only in passing, that the currently missing Big Cheese is the same Grand Fromage who apparently made a deal that wasn't quite a deal with a star witness who used to be a lobbyist and who is now a not-quite-lawyer that the Big Cheese once taught, sort of. This former lobbyist/not quite lawyer who once had, but may not now have, immunity from prosecution also used to play tricks for the very same Political Party that apparently signed the contracts described above that were supposed to help 'sell' the bigger deal by the former Minister and the current Premier to liquidate 'The People's Assets'.

All of which brings us to The Judge, who is doing her best to actually steer Car 54 back to a place where the mainstream media, especially the electronic variety, can actually find it. In doing so, she has asked all the little cheeses currently standing in for the absent Big Cheese to get the latter to come back and tell them where the suitcase is located that is holding the above described Deal/No deal.

And if the Deal for Immunity is, indeed, No Deal, then why aren't the guys who apparently did the actual bribing (ie. the no longer immune former lobbyist/not quite lawyer and his side-kicks who have all sorts of connections with the Political Party and the Government officials described above) not trapped in Car 54's backseat between the co-accused who allegedly took their apparent bribes?

And finally, and in a a smooth display of double-clutching designed to get a little traction under the wheels of Car 54, the Judge has also asked the little cheeses sitting in for the Big Cheese to produce any and all records of any and all involvement by the former Solicitor General, now the current Minister of Forests and Cowboys, in any and all efforts to prevent the above mentioned investigatory multitudes from actually investigating former Minister described above who may or may not have retained counsel with money that is not his own.

You got all that?


Because every last tidbit came from just the first two weeks of the run of 'The Dobrano's: SPU' which is actually scheduled for at least twenty-four.

Here's hoping it gets a prime-time slot somewhere down the road.


*Mr. T. is also known as Bill Tieleman, one of the members of the press gang that has been chasing down Car 54 since the beginning. Me, I actually like the moniker 'Studio 54' a little better what with all the Dancin' and Shakin' going down, not to mention all that Snortin' (in disbelief and derision) that is going on the public gallery.

The links highlighted in this story can be found at:

Special thanks to RossK for allowing me to reprint his virtual screenplay here. - BC Mary.


Hi Ross, I confess, it was probably me that you are thinking of. Check my posting at the House of Infamy for April 26 (Court Date Tomorrow) - it begins:

"According to the Completed Court Lists for Monday and Tuesday, this week, Courtroom 54 on Smythe Street will be busy with at least some BC Rail issues at 10:00am, Friday, April 27 - Vancouver Law Courts, Room 54 (room 54 Where are You?)."

Bolding done now to illustrate.
thanks kootcoot!

(will update).
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